We all at some point have struggled with self-acceptance in our lives, which has resulted in us being trapped in issues of self-worth because of people who constantly put us down and tell us that we are not good enough, pretty enough and not deserving.

In this case Ayanda is no exception, the beautiful, free spirited and amazing Ayanda opens up more about her journey and reveals the challenges she has endured in her journey to self-acceptance and self-love including being diagnosed with an eating disorder.

{“𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 − 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆”.}

From a young age Ayanda was fat-shamed ruthlessly and inappropriately sexualized in her teen years and that started her downward spiral into her eating disorder and issues of self-worth

She has been  bullied and mocked, all because of her appearance and this experiences of bullying have at some point made her hate herself and question her worth not once but several times.

Being the chubby twin while her twin sister was slim made matters even worse, as she would constantly get remarks such as “why don’t you lose some weight and be like your sister? You’ve got such a pretty face, you would be more prettier if you shed some weight she said’’

“From hearing all those remarks made about me I started seeing myself as different not in some special  or a positive way but rather a negative way, I

Hated myself, I would go days without looking at myself in the mirror because seeing myself made things even worse “she added.

Ayanda couldn’t accept herself, she felt horrible, felt unworthy and undeserving and started having issues with her confidence, Ayanda being born as a very outspoken and self-confident kid ended up being very shy and quiet, so in grade 9 she started distancing herself from her peers, and would just be by herself and food.

When things got worse…

“I ate every time, I ate my sorrows away, I ate all the silly comments and harsh comments people would make about my appearance and before I knew it, I had an eating disorder, it was no longer about me being hungry in order to eat but more of me being bored, sad, hurt, broken and angry to eat”, she said.

This went on for years till she came to the realization that she was actually dealing with so much more than she could understand, but when she started realizing that, it was a little too late as she had gained a lot of weight and was even depressed.

‘’𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏,

𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆,

𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆’’.

Instead of stopping with the overeating, I ate even more, for in the back of my mind I thought “the damage has already been done”.

“The constant pressure, ridicule and judgment my entire life about how I looked had become my worst nightmare”. She added.

Things got worse before they could get better…

When she was doing grade 12, Ayanda suffered a stroke and was admitted for 4 weeks at the hospital, and the Doctor came to the realization that Ayanda had a Binge eating disorder and that she was overweight, the Doctor told her if she didn’t lose some weight she would die.

“Hearing the doctor utter those words broke me, it broke me because at that very moment I could notice what my hate towards myself did to me, I was the one who was going to die and not the people who made me feel  worthless”. She said.

Journey to self-love…

From that moment Ayanda decided that she was going to make better choices to change her life, “it wasn’t an easy journey, on some days I felt like giving up but it had to be done if I wanted to live, I watched what I ate, cut my portions, limited my sugar intake but for me I was dealing with more than just my weight but also me as a person hence..

I had to practice self-compassion, being patient and kind to myself and affirming in my thoughts and self-talk and once I mastered that I started realizing how amazing of a person I am, and how the world was missing out on this great person because they more focused on my looks”, Ayanda said.

‘’For the first time in my entire life I experienced self-love, I looked myself in the mirror and said I loved myself, I said to myself I am beautiful, and saying this to myself was reassuring’’

{𝑩𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇,𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑨𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕}

Throughout her journey Ayanda has come to learn that society really does have the ability to impact one’s body image but it’s up to you to accept yourself and be comfortable with yourself, the world is already cruel so feed yourself with love.

“𝑫𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇

𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆

𝒐𝒓 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖”.

Ayanda has started an organization called ‘I AM WORTHY’ aimed to spark a global conversation about issues of self-worth and self-acceptance among young people and young adults.